Rated MA for Mature Language but c’mon, that’s why you love Deadpool so much!
So what do you get for collectors of comics, movie enthusiasts and all the picky little shits on your Christmas lists? I’m glad you asked! I’ve got a list here and I’ve checked it twice because I know that’s the first thing you’re gonna ask. I’ve found an assortment of goodies and I know most of you are pinching your pennies so I’m not going to include any fucking $1500.00 statues like The Collector likes to do just to watch you cry because you can’t shell out that kind of dough. That mofo can be a dick. So I looked up some sales and I’m passing it along to you guys cuz I know what big fans of me you are! Not gonna save the best for last so you won’t need to scroll down to the bottom to find the best shit.
Here’s the ass end of the statue…
On to something y’all gonna want on your Christmas trees…ain’t it adorable?
Any Star Wars geeks out there? Just kidding! Everyone loves (most of them anyhow). Here’s some good deals for you! The first set is only $36 with free shipping and the second set was $50 and now it’s only $20!
On the subject of Star Trek, I’ve got a surprise guest here you’re gonna love!
The animatronic Child goes for $59 wherever you want to get him. Just get him out of here! Go suck an egg, you little brat. I think we’re going to have to find something a little classier than Baby Yogi here.
Meet my buddy, Hit Monkey! We’ve got a band called The Dead Monkey Butts and you can all run over to Entertainment Earth and get this set for $36! What a steal! You can get an even bigger discount on Ant-Man’s BFF Luis and Ant-Man’s more interesting than Yellowjacket Villain, The Ghost for only $23! Ha! They’ll be giving this one away pretty soon.
Here comes some real quality shit so you better hurry on these before they get bought up….
This high quality artistic rendering of me as an ice cream cone just makes you want to lick me, don’t it? The creamy me part can separate from my hand so you can stuff something else in it while enjoying the creamy goodness of my head. Available now for a mere $85. But you know what feels real good after a hard day of beating off bad guys? Nice, comfy sneakers!
I’m free but those sneakers will set you back $135. And that’s a fuckin’ bargain for shoes these days. Now for some stocking stuffers for the Matchbox bunch, these little Batmobiles only cost $6 each.
For Bat toon lovers check out these bad guy busts from the Bat guy’s animated series:
Hey, how about 50% off a statue of buzz cut Thor and his trusty rabbit side kick, Rocket? Knocked down from $150 to just $75 at Big Bad Toy Store. After Thor went all hairy-plump-beatnik, I guess people just didn’t want to look at the motherfucker anymore so they are practically giving this away. Unfortunately some of us paid full price. Where do I get a refund?
What a bod! *sigh*. Coming up next is this weird looking Egg Attack Iron Man that went from $180 to $70. If you just can’t get enough thunder there’s the $120 Thor Egg Attack reduced to $60. (what’s with eggs these days? You can’t even find a fuckin’ dozen eggs in the grocery store much less a goddamn–sorry, Thor–role of toilet paper).
If you’re on a budget, might I suggest this darling little Mini Egg Attack? Only $8.50, half off the normal $17.
Stocking stuffer time!
Does your desk chair need sprucing up? Or still don’t know what the fuck to buy after all this shit I’ve shown you? Or do you just want to get to the end of this article? Well, we’re almost there, folks!
OK. I said at the beginning I wasn’t going to save the best for last but are you really going to believe a talking super hero head? No! Because what you really want IS a talking super hero head! My head!
The Hasbro Marvel Legends Deadpool (moi) Talking Head is $99 wherever finer merchandise is sold. Now you and your cell phone can take me anywhere! I can keep you company at work, at school, and on those frosty nights you can even take me to bed! *wink wink, nudge nudge*!
My head moves, my eyes blink, I love to cuddle and spoon. Oh, the hell with it! You want to know what I can do then read the fucking box!
And remember…a portion of every sale goes to The Chimichanga Hut to pay for my dinners.
I did a pretty good job filling in for The Collector, didn’t I? This could be the start of something big (get your mind out of the gutter!). In the immortal words of somebody I can’t remember right now…I shall return! Maybe.
Items here can be found at either Big Bad Toy Store or Entertainment Earth in their sale sections. Avengers statue is at Amazon. Thor statue is at Big Bad Toy Store.