Havok’s team grows progressively larger through this issue as the unsanctioned X-Men continue to fight the upgraded scientist seeking Reavers.
ASTONISHING X-MEN #13:
Writer: Matthew Rosenburg
Penciler: Greg Land
Inker: Jay Leisten
Colorist: Frank D’Armata
Letterer: Clayton Cowles
What you need to know:
Dazzler has been on tour since her last comics appearance in Dazzler: X-Song, but attendance has been waning presumably due to the Inhuman/Mutant conflicts at her gigs. Banshee was revived via an apocalypse seed in Uncanny Avengers #23 and is ready to holler at some cyborg villains. Havok has recovered from his unwillingly inverted turn into a villain by the events of Axis which turned him evil and X-Men Blue when he recovered his faculties. Beast is on the faculty of Harvard and hoped to help Banshee convalesce there.
The team-up so far:
Havok: I want to be a leader!
Beast: Hahvahd Yahd; double secret probationary status
Dazzler: All right girls; that finishes off these male chauvinist robots.
Colossus: Stolichnaya! ?? ??????! ?? ??????! Or not…
Forge: Making the Band: 7; Huff Daddy.
Banshee: Grrrr! Argggg! (Zombie)
Warpath: Hall monitor from the sanctioned X-Men teams.
We left off last issue with Banshee coming in like a summons from an old X-Men Sega game to save the day Deus Ex Machina style. Which is ironic because he’s fighting machines. Anyways! Banshee is a little more cutthroat with the apocalypse seed inside and goes on the offensive without any direction from our ersatz would be leader Havok. The newly minted team defeats this round of Reavers and goes on to recruit Colossus whilst also acquiring Warpath as a monitor sent by Kitty Pryde from the sanctioned X-Teams to make sure Havok doesn’t mess anything up further than he already has.
Warpath doesn’t mess around with evil, speciest robots. Maybe Colossus will be more reasonable and Havok can finally do some “leading.” Hold Colossus’ Stoli….
Colossus, it turns out, is drunk. Like really drunk. He is recovering from the runaway Pryde situation of X-Men Gold #30 and joins the team for the opportunity to punch stuff whilst drunk. This seems like an excellent judgment on Havok’s part once again. The team thus far: Beast – definitely not Havok’s friend yet Havok seems to think so, Warpath – only there to make sure Havok doesn’t screw up and won’t follow orders, Banshee – apocalypse seed zombie who doesn’t follow orders, and Colossus is wasted. Beast deciphers the next Reavers target from the severed head provided by Warpath. Let’s go rescue the next X-Man on the Reavers’ list to kill with our fully functional team of misfit boys!
Smashed Colossus Smashing!
So the reader assumes the Reavers are now targeting Dazzler as the boys come to rescue her at a concert venue presumably. Dazzler excelled during Land’s last artistic run on the X-Men and her appearance and depiction here is no exception as we’re introduced to the current iteration of Allison Blaire with a makeover!!! (Squees externally) Also, we are told that she will be possibly altering her appearance and outfits with a supply of wigs and outfits to “Give the fans what they want!” which is awesome 4th wall breakage.
Anyhow, it turns out in a twist that the Reavers are there to kill/capture Forge! Keeping with the scientist goal of the Reavers that the reader is aware of and the characters have not yet seemed to become aware of in dialogue. The disorganized and partially drunk motley crue of X-Men gets their collective Xes handed to them by the Reavers. Dazzler then rocks their world and defeats them easily singlehandedly without breaking a sweat which is awesome. She then yells at Havok for making a boys club sausage fest and rightly so. Forge proceeds to reject being on Havok’s team saying he can fend for himself while Allison basically decides to drop a new single: Dazzler feat. the X-Men.
In a final twist we find out the bad guys that are so bedazzled that they can’t give Dazzler a standing ovation are actually one hit pushover wonders from O*N*E(*). O*N*E is an evil anti-mutant government agency, decidedly not the Reavers, meaning more than one bad guy group is after mutant braniacs.
*Office of National Emergency – an unnecessarily silly acronym by M*a*r*v*e*l.
And the beatdown drops!
Ranking: 10/10
Final Thought: The band is back together with a lead singer! The team promised on the covers finally joins up and kicks some evil robot butt thanks to the addition of Dazzler to the team. The overall theme seems to be that the X-Men involved in the story might be down and on hard times but can still pull it together to destroy that disco. But Disco never dies!!! The artwork of Land is amazing, the story is compellingly self-aware. Will Dazzler take over leadership of the team from incompetent Havok? Stay tuned…
