Fantastic Four #12: Bring on Da Noise, Bring on Da Hulk!

Here’s a really interesting coincidence.  The 12th issue of the original Fantastic Four series, back in 1962, was the first meeting of The Fantastic Four and the incredible Hulk, and had a brief skirmish between The Hulk and The Thing.  Now, in the 12th issue of the current Fantastic Four series, guess who’s coming to the Masters-Grimm honeymoon…

It’s all the fault of Dr. Doom and The Puppet Master.  As we saw last issue, Doom found clay irradiated by the Power Cosmic in the soil of Latveria after the fateful adventure of FF #6-10, and sent a stash of it to the incarcerated Puppet Master.  And The Puppet Master, who only seemed to be accepting of his stepdaughter marrying his sworn enemy, The Thing, back in last year’s Fantastic Four Wedding Special, has thus fashioned that clay into the shape of an intruder to Ben and Alicia’s tropical honeymoon.  The results of this are nothing short of horrifying. 

Our story addresses the uncomfortable question of exactly how The Thing and Alicia are supposed to, ahem, consummate their marriage, anyway.  (Remember the “rockslide” joke in the movie Fantastic Four:  Rise of the Silver Surfer?)  But there is of course a workaround for that.  Back in the Jonathan Hickman issues, “The Future Foundation” came up with a way for Bashful Ben to become human again for just two weeks out of the year—and Ben and Alicia have timed their honeymoon to fall at exactly those two weeks.  It’s all a bit reminiscent of the old Vulcan Pon Farr in Star Trek.  Anyway, off they go to a tropical island, where an unscrupulous bellboy has been paid off to inform someone of when the Grimms arrive for their honeymoon. 

We have a lovely scene that explains that Ben’s wedding band is made of Vibranium and is thus indestructible, no matter what Ben hits and how hard he hits it, but it is not adjustable and will fall from his hand when he transforms.  So before that happens, Alicia takes a knee on the beach at sunset and presents Ben with an interim, human-sized wedding band for the period when Ben will be human and they can be truly, completely together.  It is one of the sweetest, most touching and romantic scenes we have ever witnessed in a Fantastic Four story.  It is also, naturally, short-lived:  for thundering up onto the beach with them comes the ever-incredible Hulk, under the control of The Puppet Master, seeking to punch and pound the life from The Thing! 

From the strange things that The Hulk is saying—like how he’s always wanted to yell, “Hulk smash!” when we know that’s one of Greenskin’s most oft-repeated phrases—Ben knows there’s something “off” about his longtime sparring partner.  But there’s no time to dwell on that, as The Hulk’s induced rampage not only throws Ben around, but also demolishes the tropical resort, critically wounds at least one civilian guest—and traps Alicia and others under an avalanche!  And worse yet, while time is running out for Alicia, it’s also running out for Ben.  He has less than a minute remaining as The Thing, and The Hulk is looming over him for the kill.  To be continued…