Uncanny Spider-Man #4: Not With A Bang But With A Whimper

Well, we’re back to Spurrier’s usual trick of completely disregarding the nature of a character (or, in this case, characters) for the sake of his overly-convoluted and poorly-planned plots. At least he’s only got two more issues with Nightcrawler before this particular toy goes back into the box. If you want to read a version of Mystique that has suffered a total prefrontal lobotomy (I think of her as Ovaries-Brain Raven), or a take on Silver Sable who is completely and entirely defined by her relationship with a man, this is the book for you. If you want to see Nightcrawler completely rejecting everything he’s ever stood for, this story is the one that you’ve been waiting for. 

But even if you are a terrified misogynist whose secret desire is to witness the destruction of both female characters and also characters who have previously been defined by variations on the theme of faith, presumably you’ll still want a coherent plot. There isn’t one, here. There are approximately seven vestigial beginnings of plots (story ideas thrown about as loosely as wheat upon ground, cast by a sower who cares not for finding viable soil) and it’s tempting to believe that, given time, Spurrier could have fleshed at least some of them out, but given his track record it’s considerably more likely that if he had an entire other year (and thank God he hasn’t) he’d just keep throwing stuff out without ever following through on any of it. 

The good news is that there’s only two more issues to get through — counting the upcoming X-Men Blue one-shot. The bad news is that there’s no way that any writer could possibly resolve the story in a manner that’s even close to satisfying in that time. Though, of course, Spurrier has the opportunity to tangle and foul the line of Nightcrawler’s history even more than he already has. 

Lee Garbett’s art is as lovely as ever. He deserves a chance to draw these characters again, but preferably with a considerably better script. He’s making rayon purses out of sow’s ears. Even an artist of his skill can’t quite manage to lift the material to the level of silk. 

The plot is a tangled mess, but the artwork elevates it.